Remembering to slow down

“Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.”

Dalai Lama

Today Jenna came to my bedroom door. I had just put her down for nap in the guest bedroom and of course her cute little self says, “Lauren, I just had a nightmare.” I laugh, “Oh yeah?” I laugh because I literally had just shut the door. This is a Jenna lie. This means please let me come in and hang out with you instead of napping. Believe me, I would nap with Jenna every day if I could, but it’s a slippery slope because in the beginning she got so use to me laying down with her that the moment I said, “I can’t today sweetie,” started an instant battle. So, now I make it more of a special thing. Everyday I lay with her long enough to read a book, or rub her back, but then I kiss her and walk out. Today I just looked at her and said, “Well, do you want to lay with me in my bed?” She starts to climb up and I have to help her. My bed is huge and she is still the smallest four, almost five year old, I’ve ever seen. My bed pretty much swallows her whole.  She gets comfortable and then just stares at me. We smile at each other and say, “I love you.”

Jenna and JP spent the night on Sunday. I’m starting to cling to them more than ever lately. I realize that everything is going to change in September, and it’s really starting to take a toll on me. So, when Jenna climbed into my bed at 5 am on Monday morning, I just didn’t care. I find myself making sure that JP holds my hand to and from the bus stop everyday. I also make sure he kisses me too, even though he thinks he’s cooler than me sometimes.

Lately, I’ve been feeling overwhelmed. I’m trying to play so many roles that I feel like I can’t succeed at any of them. This always seems to happen once my other life (photography) starts to really get crazy. Luckily, I have a few great friends that are playing some of the EXACT same roles as me, and we give each other support. Most importantly, we remind each other of what is important.  Family and friends are the most important. Jenna and John are my family. So for now, that hat, the nanny hat, is the most important. If that means waiting to make strides in the photography world, that’s okay. I have faith that it’ll be their waiting for me. I have to remember to take time to be still, and to slow down. I don’t ever want to look back and wish that I had.

“While we try to teach children about life, children teach us what life is all about.”


Comments

  1. I’m totally tearing up. you’re incredible and this post is awesome. thank you for sharing and making me feel like i’m not alone on this crazy ride. =) i share so many of the same emotions on a regular basis. sigh.. those kiddos are so blessed to have such an amazing person helping to mold them into awesome people and to keep them safe as well as happy every day. xoxo

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