"You’re going to miss this" and Remembering to be grateful.

On October 2nd I was awakened by a mass text. “Hey guys! Just wanted to see if you all could make it out for Dad’s birthday either one night this week or this weekend.”My stomach drops. My dad’s birthday was the day before, October 1st. And I, his daughter, forgot. I panicked and called my mom immediately. “Mom! I can’t believe that I didn’t call dad, was he upset?” 
“Lo, he’s fine. He knew you were shooting a wedding all day don’t worry about it. He’s fine. Do you want to speak to him?”
“Yes. Please.”

Immediately my father answers the phone like he always does. This jolly, “Hello!” I start speaking a million miles per second, “Daddy, I’m so sorry. I had a wedding and I just didn’t even…”
“Lauren, don’t worry about it. It’s not a big deal.” I start to cry.

How could I forget my dad’s birthday? I use to pride myself on always remember birthdays of family and friends. You’ll almost always receive a call or a text…if you’re lucky a meal or a drink. In that very moment I could not have felt like a more horrible daughter. 
“Honey, why are you crying?” 
“I just feel like I forget because I’m overwhelmed. I’m just tired…I feel awful.”
“Listen, I know you’re tired, I know you work a lot. It will work itself out. I know it may seem hard to believe, but one day when you’re my age you’re going to miss this. You’re going to miss always being busy and having so much to do…all of the new things you’re doing. You’re still figuring out so much, and it’s a lot of exciting stuff. Just hang in there. We’ll celebrate one day this week or this weekend, whichever works best for you. I love you.”
Seriously? My dad is incredible.

The past two weeks have been a roller coaster. Well, truthfully, the wedding season is always a roller coaster. Not to mention, this nanny business is HARD. However, it feels harder when I’m stressed out and when I’m tired. Lately, Jenna has needed a nap every day. I’ve felt my patience being tested constantly. Today I got annoyed because Jenna insisted on walking Bobo. (Like she does everyday) I said, “Not right now. I want to make sure he goes potty.”
She insisted over and over again.
“Jenna, you always ask to walk him, and then you don’t let him go to the bathroom. You’re not very good at it.”
Did I seriously just say that? Did I just tell her she isn’t good at something? Her face…you could tell that I had really hurt her feelings. Where are my words? I thought. I can’t remember anything? Not even MY kind words? Not even MY patience? Heck, I can’t even remember my own fathers birthday, apparently!

After a few seconds I looked at her and said, “Jenna, I’m sorry. I was just frustrated. You can walk Bobo. You do a really great job actually. I just want to make sure that he goes to the bathroom, then he’s all yours.” She smiles.

In the car, Jenna says, “Lauren? I need to tell you something.”
I turn down the music.
“What’s up?” 
“Well, I just wanted to tell ya that I love ya!”
“I love you too, Jenny.” 
She instantly falls asleep. We get home and I carry her in and lay her on the couch. I instantly think of what I can do while she’s asleep. Work wise, that is. Then, I remembered what my dad said. One day, maybe I will miss this crazy life. I know I’ll certainly miss Jenna and John, even the things that they do that drive me crazy. But, more importantly, I’ll miss our special times together. So, I let my work go, and I laid down right next to her. I watched her little body rise and fall, grabbed her little hand covered in marker, closed my eyes and napped with her for 30 minutes.

How blessed am I? I’m busy, life is crazy, but I have the most loving and understanding family and friends on the planet. (Especially during this time of year) I’m healthy, business is good, and I watch these two AMAZING kids that love me. No matter what. I can’t imagine myself doing anything else during this time in my life (Except for maybe sleeping, which I did accomplish!) Today, I decided that I needed to count my blessings and remember to be grateful…for everything. Because I will surely miss this.

Comments

  1. Lovely! I got a little teary… thank you for reminding me to count my blessings!

  2. Lauren, this post resonated with me in so many ways. Thanks for admitting imperfection and sharing words of wisdom. Love you!

  3. Aww this is so sweet Lo-Lo, I tell myself the same thing sometimes when Zoe keeps waking up all night and I’m exhausted =)

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